Am i breaking down?

That's the $100 question. Just lost $100 from betting on EPL matches this weekend, think im being abit greedy for upping my stake, man i can only blame myself. Plus 2 days ago i went Dbl O and got myself drunk, what the fuck.... was puking retartedly outside double and creating quite a scene. If not with the help of my friend Yongwei and Yong Heng I don't know what might've happen, from what i heard even the police are involved with trying to haul me into the cab. Gosh and Yongwei wanted to claim back his cab fare from me lmao think he also abit paiseh have to pvt msg me but i don't blame him. I owe him one.

Damn can't believe tommorow 7:15am i have to report back to Army fitness centre for a unit exercise. It will take place every Mon,Wed & Fri, damn if i have to take a bus there that means i have to wake up at 5am. But thankfully my mom might be fetching me, nothing can be done without my mother. I think i really need to spend more time with her. Bah anyway still have to attend wedding dinner tml night, some relative whom i don't even know.

Actually i've wanted to blog about how sucky i felt after losing $100 and getting pwned during friday night at DBL O... Yah i really feel like shit due to the hang over effect of the alcohol and i'm still feeling it now. And yes i'm also feeling alot of shitty stuff that had happen to me and the bad lucks i've had in relationships. Yesterday night on MSN Janice asked me this question. do u feel that sometimes.. u dunno what u want? I replied her that's how i'm actually feeling right now since months before NS. Mainly it has got more to do with my past R.S, my studies, my NS, my finance and my mother. And most of the time i'm powerless to do anything to change or improve any of it's current state, so sometimes i tend to close one eye about it and after awhile i will ask myself again...What do i want to do about it? Should I let it remain the way it is? Or do something about it so things could get better, and if so what am i going to do? What if things got worse when i meddle with it? Worries worries and more worries..Hah I'm already 21 and a man yet i'm still powerless to do alot of things to improve my lifestyle.

Alright so 2008 is approaching, 2007 have been a year which i think i'm living as if i'm asleep most of the time, letting bygones be bygones, trying to be a hardman sometimes, lacking abit of confident or you can say i don't even wanna give a damn about alot of things or im hardly surprise by any. 2007 might be a year where i know more people than i thought i could've, most of them from Army and at clubs. And i've been clubbing alot...thus my new year resolution is to reduce clubbing. I realise there are changes needed to be implemented from tommorow onwards. That includes my attitude towards everyone, In Army, to my friends to my families to everyone i love i promise from tommorow onwards will be a better person. I will be a more sincere person. I will treat women better, i will be less stingy(depends lol), I will try to see the positive side of everyone and i will react more positively to a negative situation, as I know a few months time from next year onwards i'm going to be an Instructor in the army, it's time i show my full potential of my leadership and commanding capabilities. Not forgetting also the stocks which i've been looking forward to learn more about and start trading in. 2007 is a year i live mainly on a low, 2008 i promise to myself and it shall be a challenge to me that i will be a different person from who i used to be, a much more respected and mature person than i was before. I swear on this blog that had once so much happy memories and a relation which i think i am the person whom almost singlehandedly ruin it I won't blame myself however. I will find a good girlfriend and someone i will love sincerely and whole heartedly and hope she return the favour too. And some more... i've to limit on my gambling habits and also i want to keep fit or become fitter, lead a healthy lifestyle as a CCI, be a role model, be more confident in communicating with others, more sincerity that is =) Thats for my NEW YEAR 2008 resolution. There are more and they shall be positive ones. I will jot down if i can think of any. I shall go to sleep now as i've to wake up in 5 hours time. I love everyone! I love my mother, may everyone whom have done bad repent and be forgiven and everyone whom had done good be loved and continue doing so! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

After BMT

3 months have just passed since i entered NS and did my last post, and now after BMT I've got into my dream vocation as a close combat instructor. It wasn't made known to me such a vocation existed until the 2nd half of my BMT and i happened to express interest in it and was selected to go for the selection due to my Martial Arts background. TKD(1stDAN). The whole thing was just pure chance and coincidence and i just took it without any hesitation. In the beginning of BMT, I was sort of an ambitious person, the first thing i aimed for is to enter OCS and become an officer, then i realise after the first week of my BMT that the way we are being treated, like a lowest life form by the SGTs (some are younger than me) and the PCs made me thought twice about going in, moreover i do not consider myself to be garang and wayang enough to be qualified for the vocation. And maybe also because that I do not really click well with my platoon mates during the first 4 weeks of PTP, maybe for them to be younger than me and some of them are just plainly too ah beng that i don't even bother to socialise with them. That ain't good for me right? Lol just marginalise people like that.

But luckily i happen to make friends with 2 very cool people there and much of the time during BMT we 3 are always together and clicked really well with each other. Without these 2 person, my life in BMT would've totally sucked. Well they say that in the army you can make really good friends and stay in contact throughout your life and i'm very sure these 2 are the lifetime friends that i've made. Ahhh however 3 months just passed by like that, one of them went into SISPEC BSLC and another one into 6SIR and me into AFC(Army Fitness Centre) as a Close combat instructor.

Now let's talk about my new vocation and life so far there. Ok ive only been there for 2 days 8-530 and damn it i got cheated as they first day said we have off till next wed then book in then they say we have to come back on thurs due to no off, and have off from fri to wed but then today they say we have to come back on mon for half day due to battalion training programme and after that told us tml we have another half day as we have to go tampinese. FUCK THEM!
Keep mind fucking us. Damn i don't want to fully emphasise how i feel now, all i know is tml im going to go there and watch a 2 hr free movie and fuck off! FUCK U MR CHIEF!