Update 30/7/2012

Seriously what have i been doing all these while? 2 and the half month have past and i'm acting like nothing has happened. Now i feel somehow this post is going to be some random rants again that probably make no grammatical sense. Yes i admit, i missed you... and everyday without fail i log in to facebook just to check out how you're doing. I think i'm one of the dumbest guy in the world and yes no matter how many other girls i got intimate with, its never going to feel the same when i'm with you. What's the deal here... a grown up man, 26 years old soon, and don't even know how to handle this relationship...this already broken relationship. Maybe somehow i think its best i don't get into any rs again... i kinda lose hope in love. All my mind is filled with now is lust and sex and how to get into other girl's pants. But in the midst of all these i keep thinking about you.. the good time we had, the cute moments you gave me. I kinda miss all of these but now im just a walking cummer, i've nothing else to do other than work except to party here and there, drink till my heart content, wasting money just to satisfy my needs i think im harming myself more and i know i should cut down.. somehow if i don't do all these i feel empty... i don't care.. i want to but i really dont know how to express myself.. i need to do something bad i need to reset my life.....

Im Back.

Been a long awhile. Been almost a year. Out of the blue, i'm back. Its always like that and thankfully i have a place for me to tell how i really feel and what i really feel. Many months have pasts, im probably somewhat a bit a different person from who i used to be. At now i come across one of the best opportunity in my life and yet its one of the hardest decision to make. The question yet is, am i just being lead on or is it a genuine offer?

What happened was, last week i was talking to one of my personal banker and questioning him about Unit Trust and what are the difference between it and other investment products like ETF and stocks. Apparently i'm not really interested in buying Unit Trust from him, just want his opinion and him to share his knowledge with me. He was such a nice person even though i told him in the first place i'm not going to buy his product and just probably going to take his time. He didn't mind and offered me to sit down and answer my question. During the conversation i express my concern about unit trust and compared them negatively with ETF and Stocks. This colleague of mine educated me about unit trust and why its consider safer and more affordable as compared to the other two elements. I was of cause delighted with such a knowledge and thanked him for his time though i didn't expect any consequences from it.

Two days ago, the UOB had a team building session held at Mandai Orchid and it was a different scenario than i had presumed. My branch people were one of the most happening bunch and we were rocking the whole event with a few of the other branches that follow suit. Suddenly, this personal banker colleague of mine asked me why i didn't consider becoming a personal banker as i have such an interest in all these investment products and businesses. He brought it up to his manager and asked his manager to consider helping me to become a personal banker. Of cause i was dumbstruck-ed and feel honored and appreciated at the same time. Such a guy to recognize my ability and interest and even recommended me to their channel head. I for one went on and asked a few question and voice my concern over the possibility of switching and becoming a Personal banking associate. In the end, everything will be set in place for me but i just have to make the decision. I think tomorrow. I will give the answer. Best of luck to me. I took 1 day to consider and of cause did a few research on Unit Trust and compared the Pros and Cons towards it.

PS: I really thank that guy for bringing me up to his direct superior regarding my transition to become a PBA.

A day in the life of Eugene Low

Today is a usual day for me, i'm having a long break from army and nothing seems different to me. Yes its true, i didnt quite enjoy my holis because first i still have assignment to do and of cause i have tuition to conduct and i have porn and anime to fill my life as it is. So tomorrow is new year eve and i am going sentosa to join the count down. Seems so normal to me, just another day goes by and then another day comes. Same shit like always, and still i have assignments to do and then on friday i have to go back to camp. Nothing change and nothing will change for the next nine months. I am still single

Single. Yes in two months time i'll be single for 2 years, what a freaking loser. So who will be the lucky girl to embrace my dick? Sorry. Who will be the lucky female to embrace my heart. Does that even sounded right? Perhaps not. Perhaps i should start searching. I will be joining some salsa dancing lesson soon. I love dancing and the motive is to know girls...what else? Ok so i end my entry here. I dont know when i will be blogging again, the reason why i make this entry is because my group of friends suddenly out of no reason start to blog and then i got inspired and so i create this entry. The craze for them is not gonna last long anyhow. Whereas I am a seasoned blogger who doesn't give a f how my blog structure looks like. Fuck it anyway. I am living la vida loca now baby!

What the fuck did i do

What did i do to deserve this type of unobliging treatment from people i love.
Should i even love them at all? What have i done. Probably from now on i'll do nothing. I'm literally sick and tired of all the fake shit and bull shit people give me. Fuck all of them. I just wanna have fun and they go find their own entertainment. I really feel like shit sometimes, i feel neglected. Yes i am submissive, yes i enjoy being loved but not loved for a motive, i dont want people to keep making use of me and i dont want to make use of anyone.

Surprisingly the only one that i really love and trust is some one that is 4 yrs older than me, how un comfortable it can be. i am weak yes i am. And the only thing i will and can do is to bounce back. How sad. Thankfully for this blog, for this is the only place where i can release my pain and anger without anyone knowing. I love my life and i will live it the way i want. I will be rich and successful.

The neverending story

I need to let this out. I've hardly blogged these past weeks, ive attempted to, but whatever i feel i want to say its not really what i meant to say. What i really meant to say is.

(Third person point of view)

This has got to stop. Eugene, you need to get a hold of yourself. Something is not right, you are entirely not happy with things that are going on with your life and yet you're embracing it, accepting it just because you feel needless to do anything about it. Is this the correct way? After the trip to genting have you know more about yourself? Have you woke up entirely from your half asleep behaviour? Engaging in conversation that you know you don't give a damn about. What has happened? Party every week, intoxicating yourself till you don't know who you are. What happened to you? 2 months ago you were the most sought after guy, every girl wants a piece of you, and apparently after some foolish things u did, you totally lose it all. Nothing seems right anymore, everyone seems so corrupted around you that you feel you have given up on being rational. You make fool of yourself in places you love to hang out in. You made a fool of yourself infront of your close friends. You made a fool of yourself to the girl you love. You made her avoid you.

(My self)

I don't know what is going on, everything seems so out of my control. I want a good life. I want to be loved and i want to love. Its depressing, i couldn't find a genuine one. Or am i just avoiding it? What am i doing i don't know. I really feel lost as of now. What have i been doing? What are all the self help books for? Losing 640 RM in genting yet i feel nothing at all? What is this? Please someone, i need help, i need to get hold of myself. But it seems there's no one to help me. I can't help myself. I need love...badly... from some one. I need love. It's time to reset my life. So what do i have to do? I need to formulate a plan from tomorrow onwards doing my duty staff.

Great success

1. A trip to genting to relax

To do.

1. Finish my assignment by friday 26th Sept 2008.

The most important entries pt.2

I think i can only trust my feelings to this little cozy isolated blog i have here. It is sad but i'm more than satisfied. So these past few weeks i've had problems to deal with and i was too busy and too shag to think about and evaluate them. The way i handled them seems to show i am someone who couldn't really handle my own life well. I wasn't so eager about solving as I think i merely avoid the worst situation in every aspects.

The one with the girl i thought i would have is one. This is the thing, I have to admit i'm not ready and not sure what i am doing. On one hand i want her so bad and on the other, knowing that she has so many suitors, i choose to be cool about it and thought myself as the special/chosen one of the whole. It wasn't the case and i had already noticed it. It seems that she has been using me or maybe it was me who wants to be used by her. I ain't really bright or subtle when it comes to handling my relationship with girls im interested in. I learny my lesson. After yesterday morning after sending her a morning greeting msg but yield no reply. I finally understand and realise my stand in this whole calamity. I am nothing to her. But a friend, a confider or a substitute.

Let me accept the fact, for the fact is the only thing i need to know for me to move on and make me redirect my focus elsewhere for the betterment of living my life.

So now come the 2nd situation that i've been dealing with for the past weeks again. Though things had already cooled down and i accepted my fate, i really think a non confrontational approach is the best way out. Don't ask, don't tell. Just do what you are supposed to do. And i learn that the best way out of this situation is to find someone to talk to. Find someone to share your pain, share your disdain, admit your mistake, find out what's wrong with yourself, what have you done to actually cause all these. Now i admit that i'm reaping the fruit i sow and i'm facing the music. Guard duty i'll do but one thing for sure i'll never ever let anyone step over my head.

The 3rd situation, i almost forgot i had one. STUDIES. I need to really put in more effort, i have to start doing my assignments by tomorrow and that i say that i will do.

4th situation. I haven been getting enough sleep. I need some sleep! =)

Now let's get back to business. Let me reset my life, let me press that button, the 'RESET' button. My life from now onwards will be positive once again, full of positivity, happiness, clarity and hunger for success.

One thing i shall make it clear. From now onwards I live my life for myself, i shall be positive. Lets solve one by one of my problem with a positive solution.

The first situation: With you bei, i admit i'm not up to it. I'm quite tired infact, now you are nothing more than a friend to me, I will still talk to you and i will still go out with you, things probably shall eventually turn out to be better even if you choose me or not. Meanwhile, i shall not be affected by you, probably one day we will share our thoughts but as for now i shall refrain from initiating any approach towards you by any means. You shall approach me and i shall choose whether to reply you or not. I am doing this for the betterment of my life and with you or without you in my life. It shall be a great life i will be leading.

To the 2nd situation: With my work related problems, my ns, my tuition, my commitment to working in the quaterly it exhibition, i shall be commited to you all and willing to go that extra mile to exceed your expectations but i will not put my health or my family 2nd to any of it. I will not let anyone of you step over my head and when situation requires me to stand up and speak for myself. I shall do so.

To the 3rd situation: Just as i am commited to work, i shall be commited to my studies as well, it's the one thing that i can not effort to neglect if i am to be successful in life. It shall be a priority as much as i value my commitment to my work. I will not neglect it and i will spend time in it. I know what to do.

To the 4th situation: Yes i need more sleep and i am about to.

Now i am back lets resume that positive routine i set for myself everytime i make an entry.

GREAT SUCCESS

1. Finally i know what i want and blogged my feelings out
2. Got my genting ticket! Going on sept 18!
3. As unwilling i am to let go of you. I guess this is the best choice for me even though you do not know how i felt till this day. I am selfish but to the extend that only i know it myself and did not neglect or cause any sufferings to you in anyways.
4. Finally got a close combat instructor as my understudy. (Who would've thought i might be an upperstudy as an instructor? :) )

Things to do next!

1. Grading at 2 sir!
2. Tuition with beverly!
3. Clubbing on friday and report to camp and sleep
4. Start my 2nd assignment!

The most important blog entries ever made in my life Pt.1

English as it is is a hard subject to master. This entry shall be filled with english that is as good as i had learnt.

It was not long ago that i decided to change my outlook in life, be positive about every single thing that had or would have befall me. Had this not been the case, many a time i could be wailing on my bed when the silent night strucks my window frame.

And resultantly, i met her.

Though i had a few glamorous nights filling my life with brand new lights, the wind had blew and made her emotions faint. And admit i shall, I long miss the love i had when a forthnight ago it was strong as the bark of the tree, long miss the times we spent when the sky turns dark serving the only time we had and Long miss the hugs you gave when at the back of the car we sat. That was what i had and that is why i am sad. So bewildered by the spell you had cast upon me.

For now i may only sigh and hope for the impending journey to be bright. It is this enchantment we call life. Now this be settled and no longer be a hassle. I shall take a bow and end this insert with a respectful statement.

Statement: Either you run the day or the day runs you - Jim Rohn

its complicated

This is it, i don't know what is the matter, and why do everything have to turn out this way.

It was suppose to be fun, and honestly im too tired to mention anything about the situation.

What happened to my positivity? I guess i need to reset my mind now. Things' been too complicated to care about. I SHALL FREE MY MIND!!!

Be positive! My positivity will change the world.

Thanks

Thanks jeanette

You left me stranded

You were the one i thought, you were the one i need, i thought i found you but i think i'm just reaching out too far. I only want you, should i even be given a chance for all the wrongs i had done? Not towards you, but to people who loved me and yet i neglected. Must all these feelings come and go again? Must you be that one of many that have to go through a roundabout in my mind? I really don't know why but i think you are the one i'd have and i'd do anything for.

But why this sudden feeling? Why this similar type of feelings again? Why can't i have a choice? Why must the one i finally thought i would settle down with inflict the most damaging blow to me once again? And again.....and again...It never ends, it had to be like that everytime, just when i'm about to give it all, or i had already done so.

Im hurt, its self inflicted i guess, or probably it shouldn't have had happened at all. Maybe it was all a dream, a beautiful dream, a heart damaging wish that does not have a head to begin and a tail to end with.

I was having a bad day and all i want to is to see you, that, which i couldn't leave it up to me, nothing was my choice to begin with, its all yours, and it had to be like this, im left stranded and wanting more of you, this is probably my pride im finding it hard to overcome.

I thought i was strong, i thought i could handle it, i thought i've been through it and i can never suffer like that again, i don't want to cry... i really dont want to. This is what i brought myself into. Might this be really how i wanted it to be like, a pitiful end and a chance to experience a broken heart.

i will get her!

This maritime assignment is making me crazyyyyyy!!! HAHAHA for the first time i actually felt myself being so hard working doing an assignment by myself! Normally i would finish an assignment by 1/2 days without any in-depth research, and now i'm spending 2 weeks doing it!

Things have changed, words have spoken and seeing is believing. I guess its time i re-evaluate my goals in this quiet night on what i want. By the influenced of Jack Canfield, i therefore bring to you my number 1 desire. To get her! It's been a month since we first dated, I guess i finally know what i want and i'm going to take it slow from here. Yes no doubt its a challenge, no doubt i face imense competition, and no doubt fame and fortune is what she's looking for. For that i promise, i will have both of that just to accomodate her needs.

Im no longer the same person as i was before i got enlisted, i am much more confident, much happier and know what i want in my life. Like i did in my 101 to do list. I mentioned i wanted a Bentley as my car. Yes i'm going to get it by the age of 26 by all means! Stock trading! Real estate! Ship brokering! Im gonna have a Bentley Continental GTC.

Great Success!
1. Did almost half of my assignment
2. Things seems to get better with bei
3. Getting a job in this coming IT SHOW

Things to do!
1. CLUBBING TMR NIGHT!
2. SENTOSA ON SAT!
3. FINISH MY ASSIGNMENT ON SUNDAY NIGHT!