I think i can only trust my feelings to this little cozy isolated blog i have here. It is sad but i'm more than satisfied. So these past few weeks i've had problems to deal with and i was too busy and too shag to think about and evaluate them. The way i handled them seems to show i am someone who couldn't really handle my own life well. I wasn't so eager about solving as I think i merely avoid the worst situation in every aspects.
The one with the girl i thought i would have is one. This is the thing, I have to admit i'm not ready and not sure what i am doing. On one hand i want her so bad and on the other, knowing that she has so many suitors, i choose to be cool about it and thought myself as the special/chosen one of the whole. It wasn't the case and i had already noticed it. It seems that she has been using me or maybe it was me who wants to be used by her. I ain't really bright or subtle when it comes to handling my relationship with girls im interested in. I learny my lesson. After yesterday morning after sending her a morning greeting msg but yield no reply. I finally understand and realise my stand in this whole calamity. I am nothing to her. But a friend, a confider or a substitute.
Let me accept the fact, for the fact is the only thing i need to know for me to move on and make me redirect my focus elsewhere for the betterment of living my life.
So now come the 2nd situation that i've been dealing with for the past weeks again. Though things had already cooled down and i accepted my fate, i really think a non confrontational approach is the best way out. Don't ask, don't tell. Just do what you are supposed to do. And i learn that the best way out of this situation is to find someone to talk to. Find someone to share your pain, share your disdain, admit your mistake, find out what's wrong with yourself, what have you done to actually cause all these. Now i admit that i'm reaping the fruit i sow and i'm facing the music. Guard duty i'll do but one thing for sure i'll never ever let anyone step over my head.
The 3rd situation, i almost forgot i had one. STUDIES. I need to really put in more effort, i have to start doing my assignments by tomorrow and that i say that i will do.
4th situation. I haven been getting enough sleep. I need some sleep! =)
Now let's get back to business. Let me reset my life, let me press that button, the 'RESET' button. My life from now onwards will be positive once again, full of positivity, happiness, clarity and hunger for success.
One thing i shall make it clear. From now onwards I live my life for myself, i shall be positive. Lets solve one by one of my problem with a positive solution.
The first situation: With you bei, i admit i'm not up to it. I'm quite tired infact, now you are nothing more than a friend to me, I will still talk to you and i will still go out with you, things probably shall eventually turn out to be better even if you choose me or not. Meanwhile, i shall not be affected by you, probably one day we will share our thoughts but as for now i shall refrain from initiating any approach towards you by any means. You shall approach me and i shall choose whether to reply you or not. I am doing this for the betterment of my life and with you or without you in my life. It shall be a great life i will be leading.
To the 2nd situation: With my work related problems, my ns, my tuition, my commitment to working in the quaterly it exhibition, i shall be commited to you all and willing to go that extra mile to exceed your expectations but i will not put my health or my family 2nd to any of it. I will not let anyone of you step over my head and when situation requires me to stand up and speak for myself. I shall do so.
To the 3rd situation: Just as i am commited to work, i shall be commited to my studies as well, it's the one thing that i can not effort to neglect if i am to be successful in life. It shall be a priority as much as i value my commitment to my work. I will not neglect it and i will spend time in it. I know what to do.
To the 4th situation: Yes i need more sleep and i am about to.
Now i am back lets resume that positive routine i set for myself everytime i make an entry.
GREAT SUCCESS
1. Finally i know what i want and blogged my feelings out
2. Got my genting ticket! Going on sept 18!
3. As unwilling i am to let go of you. I guess this is the best choice for me even though you do not know how i felt till this day. I am selfish but to the extend that only i know it myself and did not neglect or cause any sufferings to you in anyways.
4. Finally got a close combat instructor as my understudy. (Who would've thought i might be an upperstudy as an instructor? :) )
Things to do next!
1. Grading at 2 sir!
2. Tuition with beverly!
3. Clubbing on friday and report to camp and sleep
4. Start my 2nd assignment!
