Let me list down a bunch of things that always destroys myself confidence.
1. My relationships with my past girlfriends
2. My receding hairline
3. My speech
4. Rejection from the opposite sexes
5. Comparing myself with other same sexes
Gosh this is really embarassing. But nonetheless i've did some research from this website
http://www.wikihow.com/Build-Self-Confidence Lol...
Ok so in order to deal with it, i've to keep reminding myself that nobody is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some point in any of our lives, we may feel we lack something. That is reality. Learn that life is full of bumps down the road.
Be thankful for what I have. A lot of the times, at the root of insecurity and lack of confidence is a feeling of not having enough of something, whether it's emotional validation, good luck, money, etc. By acknowledging and appreciating what you do have, you can combat the feeling of being incomplete and unsatisfied. Finding that inner peace will do wonders for my confidence.
Be positive. even if I don't feel positive. Avoid self-pity, or the pity and sympathy of others. Never allow others to make me feel inferior--they can only do so if you let them. If you continue to loathe and belittle yourself, others are going to do and believe likewise. Instead, speak positively about yourself, about your future, and about your progress. Do not be afraid to project your strengths and qualities to others. By doing so, you reinforce those ideas in your mind and encourage your growth in a positive direction.
Look in the mirror and smile. Studies surrounding what's called the "facial feedback theory" suggest that the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register certain emotions. So by looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you might feel happier with yourself and more confident in the long run.
Fake it. Along the same lines of smiling to make yourself feel happy, acting confident might actually make you believe it. Pretend you're a completely confident version of you; go through the motions and see how you feel
Friday, August 24, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
A realistic world
Let's be fucking honest here. Which guy in this world ain't perverted and always thinking about having a hotbabe lying beside his bed? If some guys ever think that way, he gotta be one of the most unrealistic motherfucker ever. Or if i might be wrong, he must be gay.
And which girl in this world wouldn't be tempted by money? Some say guts and humour plays a part in winning a girl's heart, but in the end, it all comes down to the one and only make or break factor. Money. If you say this is a sad fact, then you must've been watching too much tv and movie dramas that wants you to think that these world spins with love without any conditions. Wake up man. Alright i think i'm just blogging about the obvious, i've nothing much to blog and just wanna stir some frustration out of my mind.
I think on the outside i look like a fucking strong person, sugar coated my true emotions and potray myself as a retard and confident guy, actually i'm not."I think everyone feels this way sometimes." Which at the the moment i think it's abit retarted, but i guess no one can help it. Because the fact is, if you keep wanting to show people how you really feel and throw out all your emotional problems and show how weak you are to them, and especially you are a guy, gradually no one is going to give a shit about you. A girl might be experiencing the opposite, but for a guy to react like a wuss everytime, everyone will start avoiding you and sooner or later you gonna feel more and more like crap as everyone starts to act fake towards you. Sad facts. Once again.
Every once in a awhile, i've always hear people saying to each other. "Be yourself" "Be yourself" Fuck! How do you be yourself everytime? The problem in this real world is, there are some unwelcomed situation that you will probably put yourself in by trying to be yourself. I, however think it's hard to be myself and I could only be myself if i'm tired of something or think that's the best way for me to deal with something and I have nothing to lose or not afraid to lose.
I guess despite all these shit that happens around the world, in the heart and minds of the majority, peace is the only thing we want, No one wants to fight unnecessary wars, unless you're some crazy ass politicians like those at the states. No one wants to harm others just for the sake of doing it, unless you're some crazy thugs. No one wants to forever sugarcoat themselves and everyone needs time alone to think for themselves like what i'm doing right now. Issues are not issues at all if you do not know about it or refuse to acknowledge it. True, but to me now i'm so free of issues and the only major issue that i've yet to face is NS.
And which girl in this world wouldn't be tempted by money? Some say guts and humour plays a part in winning a girl's heart, but in the end, it all comes down to the one and only make or break factor. Money. If you say this is a sad fact, then you must've been watching too much tv and movie dramas that wants you to think that these world spins with love without any conditions. Wake up man. Alright i think i'm just blogging about the obvious, i've nothing much to blog and just wanna stir some frustration out of my mind.
I think on the outside i look like a fucking strong person, sugar coated my true emotions and potray myself as a retard and confident guy, actually i'm not."I think everyone feels this way sometimes." Which at the the moment i think it's abit retarted, but i guess no one can help it. Because the fact is, if you keep wanting to show people how you really feel and throw out all your emotional problems and show how weak you are to them, and especially you are a guy, gradually no one is going to give a shit about you. A girl might be experiencing the opposite, but for a guy to react like a wuss everytime, everyone will start avoiding you and sooner or later you gonna feel more and more like crap as everyone starts to act fake towards you. Sad facts. Once again.
Every once in a awhile, i've always hear people saying to each other. "Be yourself" "Be yourself" Fuck! How do you be yourself everytime? The problem in this real world is, there are some unwelcomed situation that you will probably put yourself in by trying to be yourself. I, however think it's hard to be myself and I could only be myself if i'm tired of something or think that's the best way for me to deal with something and I have nothing to lose or not afraid to lose.
I guess despite all these shit that happens around the world, in the heart and minds of the majority, peace is the only thing we want, No one wants to fight unnecessary wars, unless you're some crazy ass politicians like those at the states. No one wants to harm others just for the sake of doing it, unless you're some crazy thugs. No one wants to forever sugarcoat themselves and everyone needs time alone to think for themselves like what i'm doing right now. Issues are not issues at all if you do not know about it or refuse to acknowledge it. True, but to me now i'm so free of issues and the only major issue that i've yet to face is NS.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
The truth
K i swear this is gonna be a fucken'd long post. Why? Because now it's 1 am and i've nothing better to do and i suddenly feel i should be responsible to my blog and do some new postings and "communicate" with my soul.
Ok i'm currently working at spring as a Customer Service Operator in the Online Business Licencing Service department. That means i'm the first line of defence for the government business licencing website and i've to take calls to help anyone who have problems applying for their licences. However normally what i face is a bunch of callers, some asking relevant questions, most asking stupid questions and some crazy unreasonable people who still think their stubborness can solve everything. For god's sake being stubborn doesn't even solve anything for kids. These dumbasses! duh! However that place is actually a nice working environment. If you're that kind of laid back person and doesn't like to travel around and prefer to sit on your office chair all day to do your work, this kind of job is definitely for you. The exception here is that you have to answer phone calls! Which so far I've faced quite a number of challenge to do so, but however i'm able to cope with it being the "able to take all kinds of shit person that I am." Plus the staff and managers are uber nice and friendly. So i don't really have a problem workng there :). And i take it as a job to pass time while waiting for my NS.
Ahh anyway, so near to my NS and time really just past in a way where you wouldn't expect it to be past in that way. Really thought of slacking and partying for the rest of my holidays after my graduation all the way to NS, but think i have to do something to cover my expenses anyway, so eventually i end up working. Once again I've yet to realise any significant changes to my life and lifestyle, just that i've been clubbing almost every weekends ever since i start working in Spring. Bo bian, must chill abit after a stressful week of work (hmm stressful, kinda exagerrating, its quite slack actually) Yeah i just want to live my life, and yet all these while i've only one official companion to go clubbing with me every weekend, it's none other than Kris fagzo himself, this bugger whom is always facing financial crisis.
And yes tomorrow i'll be booking my trip to Phuket 3d2n @ $315 per pax, then fuck, i've to loan this kris fagzo some $$ for the deposit that we have to commit to the tour agency, which is $230 -_-, was thinking whats the big difference, might as well pay full price. Well for once i dont dare to pay the full price is because, apparently this kris fagzo is abit fickle minded, i'm lending him fucking $230 to pay the deposit and now i'm having the feeling he might back out of this trip and end up me paying for nothing, so in order to guarantee he will return me, i request to be in possession of his passport until the day he return me the $$, said to be 30th Aug. Not i'm not friend enough or what, it's just that when you do someone a favour, you expect them to do you a favour also, there's no free meal in this world. And of course, the principal of equivalent trade (Full Metal Alchemist^^) applies!
And yes i'm really keeping up with Naruto nowsaday, being that the storyline in the manga is getting more and more intriguing as the identity of all the Akatsuki members have been revealed! Even the assumed leader of Akatsuki turns out to be under the direction of another Akatsuki member whom was being revealed as the true leader eventually; Apparently some punk name Tobi, whom is aka Uchiha Madara (abit of controversy also surrounded him that he could be Uchiha Obito, whom was a member of Kakashi's team during the Kakashi gaiden's flashback... Damn this is getting ownaging interesting!)
Sure, long post as i've promised, now i'm almost giving up the idea of having the thoughts of any girls i can miss during my national service days. Seems like i'm really tired of relationship now. Yes my heart do react to some girls i've known recently but however my head is stopping me from commiting further. It actually resulted in me screwing up potential relationships or a potential healthy/unhealthy friendship with another girl, don't really know what i want. NS is really stopping me from loving, planning, and thinking more about my future as no one's gonna know what will happen to me in 2 years time from now. I might no longer be in this world or i might actually be someone with title and rank and call the shots, but no matter what I do, i will never let my mother down. She has done so much for me and i have to repay her someday. Firstly i'm going to get a 2 year term insurance while i'm serving my NS...So if anything happens to me, she can have those $$...Well hopefully i'll be blessed and 3 years later i can study in the 4th SG university that the public have been hoo-haaing about. And also not forgetting my insurance career! Hopefully i fucking suceed!
Ok guess i should turn in now, if not i'll get fucked tommorow...Don't wanna be late for work!
Ok i'm currently working at spring as a Customer Service Operator in the Online Business Licencing Service department. That means i'm the first line of defence for the government business licencing website and i've to take calls to help anyone who have problems applying for their licences. However normally what i face is a bunch of callers, some asking relevant questions, most asking stupid questions and some crazy unreasonable people who still think their stubborness can solve everything. For god's sake being stubborn doesn't even solve anything for kids. These dumbasses! duh! However that place is actually a nice working environment. If you're that kind of laid back person and doesn't like to travel around and prefer to sit on your office chair all day to do your work, this kind of job is definitely for you. The exception here is that you have to answer phone calls! Which so far I've faced quite a number of challenge to do so, but however i'm able to cope with it being the "able to take all kinds of shit person that I am." Plus the staff and managers are uber nice and friendly. So i don't really have a problem workng there :). And i take it as a job to pass time while waiting for my NS.
Ahh anyway, so near to my NS and time really just past in a way where you wouldn't expect it to be past in that way. Really thought of slacking and partying for the rest of my holidays after my graduation all the way to NS, but think i have to do something to cover my expenses anyway, so eventually i end up working. Once again I've yet to realise any significant changes to my life and lifestyle, just that i've been clubbing almost every weekends ever since i start working in Spring. Bo bian, must chill abit after a stressful week of work (hmm stressful, kinda exagerrating, its quite slack actually) Yeah i just want to live my life, and yet all these while i've only one official companion to go clubbing with me every weekend, it's none other than Kris fagzo himself, this bugger whom is always facing financial crisis.
And yes tomorrow i'll be booking my trip to Phuket 3d2n @ $315 per pax, then fuck, i've to loan this kris fagzo some $$ for the deposit that we have to commit to the tour agency, which is $230 -_-, was thinking whats the big difference, might as well pay full price. Well for once i dont dare to pay the full price is because, apparently this kris fagzo is abit fickle minded, i'm lending him fucking $230 to pay the deposit and now i'm having the feeling he might back out of this trip and end up me paying for nothing, so in order to guarantee he will return me, i request to be in possession of his passport until the day he return me the $$, said to be 30th Aug. Not i'm not friend enough or what, it's just that when you do someone a favour, you expect them to do you a favour also, there's no free meal in this world. And of course, the principal of equivalent trade (Full Metal Alchemist^^) applies!
And yes i'm really keeping up with Naruto nowsaday, being that the storyline in the manga is getting more and more intriguing as the identity of all the Akatsuki members have been revealed! Even the assumed leader of Akatsuki turns out to be under the direction of another Akatsuki member whom was being revealed as the true leader eventually; Apparently some punk name Tobi, whom is aka Uchiha Madara (abit of controversy also surrounded him that he could be Uchiha Obito, whom was a member of Kakashi's team during the Kakashi gaiden's flashback... Damn this is getting ownaging interesting!)
Sure, long post as i've promised, now i'm almost giving up the idea of having the thoughts of any girls i can miss during my national service days. Seems like i'm really tired of relationship now. Yes my heart do react to some girls i've known recently but however my head is stopping me from commiting further. It actually resulted in me screwing up potential relationships or a potential healthy/unhealthy friendship with another girl, don't really know what i want. NS is really stopping me from loving, planning, and thinking more about my future as no one's gonna know what will happen to me in 2 years time from now. I might no longer be in this world or i might actually be someone with title and rank and call the shots, but no matter what I do, i will never let my mother down. She has done so much for me and i have to repay her someday. Firstly i'm going to get a 2 year term insurance while i'm serving my NS...So if anything happens to me, she can have those $$...Well hopefully i'll be blessed and 3 years later i can study in the 4th SG university that the public have been hoo-haaing about. And also not forgetting my insurance career! Hopefully i fucking suceed!
Ok guess i should turn in now, if not i'll get fucked tommorow...Don't wanna be late for work!
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Self reflection
I'm currently in my office now, and have the sudden urge to blog what happened during the past few weeks.
Well, I've been working, studyin insurance and clubbing every weekend which have directly cause the severe weakening in my internal body organs. I feel really owned on the inside as much as i feel really owned on the outside, mentally and physically.
Ok Shit i don't know why im out of thoughts, maybe i shouldn't even blog now, i'll edit later.
Well, I've been working, studyin insurance and clubbing every weekend which have directly cause the severe weakening in my internal body organs. I feel really owned on the inside as much as i feel really owned on the outside, mentally and physically.
Ok Shit i don't know why im out of thoughts, maybe i shouldn't even blog now, i'll edit later.
I realise i need to do some soul searching
I have to blog! I just have to blog! This is what i should do exactly to pull out all the negative thoughts and feeling i've been having inside of me. Shit it's 2:30am in the morning now and i've to report to office tommorow, but whatever. Even if my eyes is closing down and my body is giving up i have to say these.
Finally, EUGENE LOW! Have come back! to the blogging community. This time i intend to do it privately without anyone knowing... HAHAHA! Don't know how long will I sustain this privacy though.
Wow alot of wonderful things had happened these past few months ever since "that." But whatever, so much things happened that i've been bottling up so much thoughts inside my head and that i've only quite a few people that i had openly and honestly, though briefly shared with. It seems that all these while i've been living a life without self consciousness, or maybe i should say i'm behaving oddly and starting to develop a "fuck all the bitches in the world" mentality ever since that incident.
Also at the same time i had a crush on a few girls which i met in the club while i was working at DXO, i've dated two and danced with and frenched one in the club, all of them are hot and attractive nonetheless. That's what you get by working in the club :). God i'll miss working there. But seriously i think after the 3rd one which i've met in the club and frenched with, i started to question myself actually after a few months of unconscious feeling and thoughts that im sick to death to care so much about. "What do i really want?" Which actually made me fall into depression for a week and i actually went into google to do a "How to be happy", "Love advice", "How to be confidence" search. I arrived at the decision that i have to blog my feelings out after reading that in order to be happy again, i should start to be more honest with myself and actually communicate myself through journalling.
Yes maybe i should do this until my NS days begin, Alright for now i think i've communicate enough with myself i think i should sleep. Maybe before that i should shit first as my stomach is aching now!
Finally, EUGENE LOW! Have come back! to the blogging community. This time i intend to do it privately without anyone knowing... HAHAHA! Don't know how long will I sustain this privacy though.
Wow alot of wonderful things had happened these past few months ever since "that." But whatever, so much things happened that i've been bottling up so much thoughts inside my head and that i've only quite a few people that i had openly and honestly, though briefly shared with. It seems that all these while i've been living a life without self consciousness, or maybe i should say i'm behaving oddly and starting to develop a "fuck all the bitches in the world" mentality ever since that incident.
Also at the same time i had a crush on a few girls which i met in the club while i was working at DXO, i've dated two and danced with and frenched one in the club, all of them are hot and attractive nonetheless. That's what you get by working in the club :). God i'll miss working there. But seriously i think after the 3rd one which i've met in the club and frenched with, i started to question myself actually after a few months of unconscious feeling and thoughts that im sick to death to care so much about. "What do i really want?" Which actually made me fall into depression for a week and i actually went into google to do a "How to be happy", "Love advice", "How to be confidence" search. I arrived at the decision that i have to blog my feelings out after reading that in order to be happy again, i should start to be more honest with myself and actually communicate myself through journalling.
Yes maybe i should do this until my NS days begin, Alright for now i think i've communicate enough with myself i think i should sleep. Maybe before that i should shit first as my stomach is aching now!
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